Cost of Ambition

 

"Create the life you want, and it may inspire others to do the same, even if their journey and destination look different."

                                     - George Couros

  There are no two ways about it, I'm old now.  How I look at the world has drastically changed.  As it should.  Our life experiences SHOULD change us.  Hopefully for the better.  I look at the person I was at the beginning of my 25 year career and I remember a very ambitious and hard working young man.  He was very ignorant (I could use the word "green" if I cared about sounding too harsh) about a lot of things and was hyper-focused on success.  I defined success then as proving I belonged in the education profession and that I brought value to the team.  I was a non-traditional teacher.  I did not have an education degree and my first day in front of students was the first day of school.  So I felt like I had something to prove.

  I put in a ton of work.  I was in my classroom until all hours of the night.  I took things home.  I lived the job.  This was before having a wife and kids and, to be honest, the Harry of today is quite proud of Harry then.

 This is not a brag post, it is about perspective.  Because not much changed when the wife and kids came along.  I still poured myself into my work.  Late nights crafting new curriculum, obtaining advanced degrees, and taking on additional leadership roles are all things that took time outside of my normal duties. Each new role required more of me. As a teacher, my work followed me home in stacks of papers and restless thoughts about my students. As a principal, the load grew heavier: late-night phone calls about discipline issues, teacher issues, and endless paperwork. By the time I reached the superintendency, I had accepted that my phone was never really off. The district’s needs became my needs, and my calendar filled itself before my family could.

I told myself it was just “part of the job,” but I saw the toll it took at home. Missed games/concerts, absent dinners, a distracted mind even when I was physically present, carrying the stress of the job home to my family. Family milestones became events I heard about rather than experienced. My ambition had created a gap between me and the very people I was working to provide for.

 Yes, I worked incredibly hard, and because of that, I was given amazing opportunities that I would not have had the chance to experience if I hadn't laid the groundwork.  My willingness to consistently do the work required to evolve in my learning has made it possible to  provide for my family in ways I couldn't have imagined 25 years ago.

 I never set out to be a "leader", but I did want to be somebody who was passionate, highly competent, and always improving.  I wanted to be the best. For that to be a reality, there is a cost, and the cost is not financial. 

  I hear constantly about a work/life balance and how you should find it.  I am cautious to give that advice because my greatest opportunities came from being out of balance.  I would not tell anyone to find balance when they are pursuing their passion, but I would caution them. The simple (and sad) fact is the real-world rewards those that whose balances lean toward work, and punishes those whose balance is life heavy. I have made many mistakes in regards to self-care and family.  I have learned more from my mistakes than my successes and that continues to help me grow today.  

  Everyone talks about the hard work that goes into making their personal vision a reality, but few talk about the sacrifices of the really good things that you give up.  One of life's greatest feelings is when your young kids wait at the door for you when you come home.  Now, I'M the one standing at the door waiting for them with the same excitement that they had for me.  As much as I miss the feeling of those excited squeals and hugs, every decision and opportunity we've had, and have lost, led us to where we are today.

  My point is this, ALL success comes at a cost.  Your definition of success may not match someone else's.  Also, your definition will change over time, and that's ok.  Create the life you want.  Do not pay attention to those that judge your choices because it doesn't fit their definition of success.  The only two people you want to impress are the 8 year-old version  and the 84 year-old version of yourself.  It doesn't mean that you have no regrets.  It means that you can have as many do-overs as your life allows.